Goonjak Baby Oil
CHARTS RED? SO ARE YOUR HANDS.

GoonJak

The Lore Goon Now
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  • CHARTS RED? SO ARE YOUR HANDS.

  • CAUGHT GOONING AGAIN? GOONJAK IS COMING

  • CHARTS RED? SO ARE YOUR HANDS.

  • CAUGHT GOONING AGAIN? GOONJAK IS COMING

  • CHARTS RED? SO ARE YOUR HANDS.

  • CAUGHT GOONING AGAIN? GOONJAK IS COMING

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ABOUT GOONJAK

He doesn't trade. He hunts. Forged in the back rooms of red candle caves, Goonjak is the one thing terminally online chart addicts fear most — employment. He lurks in your tabs, watching you loop CT, lotion in hand, leverage maxed, praying for one more green wick. Too late. You've been spotted. Powered by rage, fries, and anti-goon radiation, he drags wrecked traders from their dim-lit dens and gives them what they truly deserve: a job. This isn't salvation. This is labor. You don't clock in — you get caught.

Buy $GOONJAK
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THE GOON LORE

Goon Lore
Goon Lore
Goon Lore
Goon Lore
Goon Lore
Goon Lore
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GOONERS GETTING GRILLED

Applications close in:

: :

GOONJAK'S ELIGIBILITY SCANNER

"Submit your sins. Receive judgment."

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1 GoonUnit = $0.008
RAISED $12,000

"Your jerk ratio is terminal. You qualify."

Select Goon Activity:
Eligibility Score:
🧠 000.00069 GoonUnits
Total Gooners Caught 80%
"I jerk. I fail. I fry."

N/A

GoonQuotient

"Just jerk and pray"

92%

Gooners Caught

"You've been assigned to grease trap duty."

Your Goonjak Contract ID:
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  • 😳 CAUGHT GOOONING AT THE TOP 🚨

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  • APPLY FOR REHAB NOW ☠️

  • MEMETARD UNIONIZED 👊

  • WREKT AND UNWASHED WELCOME 🤝

  • DUMPED? YOU'RE QUALIFIED 📉

  • 😳 CAUGHT GOOONING AT THE TOP 🚨

  • 💦 CHARTS RED, PANTS DOWN 💀

  • REKT AND REGISTERED 📝

  • GOONING SINCE 4AM ⏰

  • YOU'VE BEEN ASSIGNED TO JANITOR ROLE 🧼

  • STOP TRADING, START WIPING 🧽

  • 💦 CHARTS RED, PANTS DOWN 💀

ROAD MAP

Phase #01

PHASE 1 – GOOONING DETECTED
  • Token launched straight into a wall of red candles
  • Surveillance bots deployed to monitor on-chain gooners
  • First "Caught Gooning" NFTs minted (evidence-grade)
  • Twitter Spaces: "Why Are You Still Goooning, Bro?"

Phase #02

PHASE 2 – REKT REHAB
  • GoonJak issues community shame badges (pfp overlays)
  • GoonJak starts kicking in cave doors live on X
  • Public leaderboard of most gooned trades launched
  • Secret Discord role: Chronic Goooner

Phase #03

PHASE 3 – REEDUCATION ZONE
  • DAO votes on who deserves internet access
  • New roles unlocked: Tissue Boy, Glazed Accountant, Candle Sniffer
  • Campaigns to identify relapse gooners in major Telegrams
  • Airdrop of lotion (metaphorical)

Phase #04

PHASE 4 – MEMETARD REINTEGRATION
  • On-chain rehab journaling dApp launched
  • Global meme therapy group sessions
  • Goon-to-earn system: recover, contribute, re-goon
  • Final reward: promotion to Senior Cave Dweller
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FAQ

A former bagholder turned vigilante. He catches gooners in the act and forces them to touch grass.

Because your last trade was -98% and you opened a lotion tab right after.

First offense: warning. Second: forced wage chart. Third: McDonald's application on chain.

Only if you plan to explain it to GOONJAK while he's looking at your wallet history.

Legally? Unclear. Morally? Absolutely.

Not if your keyboard is sticky and your MetaMask is open.

Because he missed every pump and now dedicates his life to stopping others from coping.

Then explain the 3 tabs of pump charts and the Red Bull pyramid behind you.

Close your charts. Unplug your RGB setup. Pretend to have a job.

Check the mirror. If you see yourself holding your bag and crying, yes.
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INSERT GOON-LOGGED EMAIL

Workjak

© GoonJak 2025. All rights reserved.

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